As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
