Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You made out with two different species that night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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