everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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