so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
