WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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