nut hugger
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
