I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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