i will never coherently bang her
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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