When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
