I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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