His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
