I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
