I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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