so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
