oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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