Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my shit smells like andre
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
