it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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