I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
