how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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