Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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