Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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