Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize