i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
