He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
