the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
