so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
