there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
