Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
