Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
