So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
