Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
