Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
