I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
