apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
