Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
