I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize