oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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