I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
