I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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