well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
