then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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