I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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