Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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