Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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