Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
