I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize