I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
