Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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