hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize