Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
