Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
