if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
