:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
