you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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