You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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