I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
