just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
