The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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