it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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