Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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