Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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