I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize