Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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