Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
