i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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