i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
