Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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