He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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