In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
