i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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