tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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