you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
