I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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