Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
