its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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