i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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