Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize