Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
