i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
