i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
