fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
